Thursday, November 5, 2009

I don't where I am
And I don't really care
I look myself in eye
There's no one there
I fall upon the earth
I call upon the air
But all I get is the same old vacant stare

I lose my sense of purpose a lot in life. It's like I have to be constantly reminded of it. Most of the time, I feel like I'm going through the motions. How did something so beautiful become so bland? I am in my own bubble. Half of the time, I'm not sure I even exist. Dreams are realer than reality. People are images that you have to touch to make sure they're real.

I glimpse God. Sadly, when I make time. This purpose needs to be prioritized. I'm on that. Prayer reminds me. Called, to something big that perhaps I dont even believe in...just yet. Think sometimes, that this may be my last day. My Saviour's waiting for me to realize Him again. My mind quarter-waits for the woman's saviour-man-funny, not so much. I've stopped believing in this. I dont live for this. My parents are somewhere else. With new families and new lives. I miss them underneath everything else that is missing in me.

I am blessed. I'd like to say I'm grateful because I am. Although, I could be more grateful. The friends that disappear when school starts. Emotional promises and promiscuity. Admiration and infatuation. The trees go bare as the leaves fall yellow, red, and brown. Winter begins and my mood shifts.

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